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Monday
Jun202011

Showing off the "newness" of Baby L 

I had the honor of photographing this sweet little man way back in MARCH!  I told you I have been terrible in keeping up with posting!


Just look at this sweet little hand on his face!! I can't!!


look at his little face here!  Pure sweetness!

Mom and Dad are in love!! How could they not be, look at that face!


Thank you Amy and Lou for letting me take the first photos of your little adorable man. And Sam... SAM, SAM, SAM!! Thanks again for your support and getting your sister the gift of photography.  I am deeply honored again!

Thursday
Jun162011

The unexpected path I never saw coming.. 

 My faith is something I hold strong within my heart.  It is what gets me through times where I cannot find strength.  Yet, three weeks ago my faith dropped me to my knees in a way I never saw coming.

Three weeks ago I had taken a last minute trip upstate with my Mom and boys to visit my Aunt because it was Memorial Day weekend.  I had cancelled my photo sessions for the weekend due to a small rash on my side.  I thought it would be an amazing way to spend time with my Mom and boys and enjoy the scenery of the mountains and my husband can enjoy some R&R without us at home.  Maybe he can get a few rounds of golf in with his friends.

On Friday night my husband said he had a headache and that he was going to bed.  We texted our good nights to each other and I snuggled to sleep with my boys.  On Saturday morning, I called to see how he was feeling and I kept getting voice mail so I figured he was already out golfing.  I called four times in a matter of three hours and nothing, which is weird for him not to answer but I didn't think anything of it because he was probably busy. 

At noon my Mother-In-Law called to say that she was at the hospital with Don (my husband) and they transporting him by ambulance to another hospital because he went to the hosptial because he thought he had a migraine but it turns out he has blood on his brain.  It is an aneurysm.

I asked her if she was kidding.  Because she had to be kidding.

She wasn't. 

I asked her to speak to Don and she said I couldn't because she was outside. 

I thought my husband was dead.  {HOW CAN GOD BE DOING THIS MY MIND SCREAMED!!}

I don't remember clearly what I did next, I just remember crying.  I don't remember hanging up, or packing, or getting the kids and my Mom in the car to go home.

After getting myself together, I called my Mother-in-Law back and she said hold on, what she did next is what got me through at three hour and forty five minute drive down the mountain; she passed the phone to my husband and let me speak to him.  I heard his voice.  He was alive. 

Saturday night was a blur.  The details of having to watch my boys kiss their Dad goodbye in the ER are so painful, that it feels like someone is stabbing me when I recall them.  All we knew was that Sunday morning Don would have surgery to try to stop the aneurysm from bursting.  We had the Chief of the Neuro department on his case and he told us that his team of doctors would "get it".

I spent the night on a small chair next to Don's hospital bed praying.  I didn't sleep at all that night.  When the doctors arrived to go over the plan it sounded routine, almost a walk in the park.  They told my husband they would do an angiogram, map out the aneurysm decide what the best route was to take and in a few hours the aneurysm would be gone. 

There was almost a sense of relief on my end that the Doctor was so confident that he would get it that I was NOT prepared for what happened next.  Thank the heavens my sister-in-law and brother-in-law where there with me.

After Don was rolled in to be prepend for the angiogram, the Chief of Neuro came out to the waiting room to speak to me about his procedure. 

"Your husband is going to be operated on with what we see as an extremely complicated aneurysm.  Because it branches and wraps itself (the aneurysm) around a vital part of the right lobe it triples the risks.  There is a 50% chance he will die on the operating table because it ruptures or something goes wrong while I am clipping them and if he does survive there is a strong chance he will be left with a disability.  If we are able to get the complete clip, then the risk of him having a stroke after the procedure is extremely high and common.  We are going to do our best to get him back to you better than ever and I am confident I will get the job done, but you need to know what your in for, I have not told Don any of this because I need his anxiety level down, and his hopes high. I need you to come with me now, kiss him, look him in the eyes and tell him that everything will be okay."

I turned to my sister-in-law who was hysterical, and my brother-in-law was shaking the doctors hand to say thank you for letting us know and I stood there, with a quivering lip looking for someone to tell me it was going to be okay.  But my person who does that for me is getting ready for the fight of his life. 

I felt like I was a seven year old, in a grown up body.  I was being told this, this was happening to us.  To us.  How is the happening to us?  HOW?

I hated God.  I hated him because how can he take my husband, especially when he knows my Mom is dying of a terminal illness? HOW CAN HE DO THIS TO ME?  WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?

Selfishness is not pretty.  And after I sobbed heavier than I have ever cried before I sat in a waiting room, in a corner by myself and prayed.

I asked for forgiveness for my thoughts of hate.
I asked for forgiveness for my thoughts of selfishness.
And I prayed hard for God to please bring my family home.  Together.
To allow my boys NOT to know this kind of pain so early on in their life.
I prayed.
And then six hours later the doctor came to me and said, "we got the entire aneurysm, it is gone, we did it. He is being wheeled to recovery know you can see him in about an hour.  But what you need to know is that it is a miracle he pulled through, he ruptured on the table and we were still able to clip the entire aneurysm".

15 minutes later the nurse came to get me and they brought me into the ICU where Don was because as she said "Don asked to see you right now". 

I walked in, scared, so so scared, but the moment I grabbed his hand, and looked into his eyes I could see he was there looking back at me.  And when he spoke he made me realize that God knows the love we have for one another, because God brought him back to me.

On May 29th, I was completely surrounded by love.  There is not a doubt in my mind that the brilliant hands of Dr. Chalif and a miracle delivered by God that has allowed my family to be home today, together.

The road following the surgery was not easy.  It was hard to watch my husband suffer in pain from the surgery and for me to be so helpless with his fight.  There were many dark days where I fought hard within myself to remain positive, reminding myself that God has shown us a miracle and that I need to stop being so selfish again.

Even to this day, almost three weeks since this started and ONE full week since he has been home, that I am starting to feel okay sharing his story through my eyes.  I didn't want to share it, because it is not my story to tell.  This happened to him, it was so personal to him that I will never, ever understand how he feels. 

Yet, the reason I am sharing now is because this did happen to us, our family.  It did happen to me, I was there with him, everyday, supporting his fight, reminding him how lucky I am that he came back to me, and our boys.

Our story continues.

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Don had his first post op visit today, and the surgeon reminded us again how lucky we are that Don survived something like this, and that he is on the road to a full recovery.  He said it is a million to one how this all turned out.  I will say it over, and over again, that without Dr. Chalif,  God and the prayers sent by our family and friends that we would not be here with this amazing ending to a terrible beginning.

There are so many people that have touched my heart during all of this that it is hard to really say how amazed I am by the light that surrounds me. To my family, my friends, my sons teachers, and to the doctors and nurses, THANK YOU.  I am eternally grateful for the prayers and support.  With the help of all of you my husband is home, and our boys have their Dad.  I have cancelled my photography appointments for June and July to spend time home with my family while my husband recovers.  I am thankful for my clients that have been so understanding. 

And to Don, 3325.

I declare today that I cannot be defeated, discouraged, depressed or disappointed (Phil 4:13)

Tuesday
May172011

Pushing the fear aside..  

Way back in January I had HUGE plans for 2011.  Plans that would involve delivering kick ass images, being super organized, starting a charity site, and finally getting published in a magazine.  NONE of those things happened. 

Say hello to May.  Where have the five months gone?  FIVE whole months that have passed by that brought so much confusion, disappointment and challenges I never imagined back in January. 

Every time I went to share something on my blog I would become frustrated with my failures and challenges that I would just shut down the computer. 

So what happened to me?  Well, in a nut shell, life.  I can go on and on about how I over committed myself by taking on a part time job and running my photography business, over committing my kids, under committing myself to my husband and allowed one unhappy client to shake my core and confidence in my work. 

But the real catalyst happened five weeks ago when my world was thrown off its orbit.  For all of you whom have followed my blog since way, way back when know that my Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer two years ago.  I have known for two years that the cancer was lurking, waiting to attack her.  Well five weeks ago we found out it had metastasized to her bones. 

What I had not prepared myself for is the doctors plan of "never-ending" three weeks on chemo and one week off to deliver my Mom a miracle was going to snowball so fast.  Chemo is not pretty.  It is robbing my Mom of everything. period. 

Life is full of irony and never ending lessons.  When I was kid I thought my Mom knew it all, when I was a teenager I thought she knew nothing, in my 20's I was too busy locking horns with her to have a conversation with her and now in my 30's I can't imagine a day without her. 

Yet, breast cancer is a soulless evil that doesn't care that I call my Mom twice a day just to annoy her with my mind numbing conversations.  Or that she has three daughters, and seven grandkids that need her here with them because she is our world.

So here I am; in May.  My resolution is simple.  Be there for my Mom. 

I believe in miracles. 

I believe that hope is real when fueled with faith.
I believe my Mom may the toughest contender cancer has ever taken on.  She will not give up without a fight.  And I will be her trainer, I will pass her a towel, give her water and make her laugh when her eyes get watery from the pain. 

Luckily I have such an amazing support system.  Without my husband, sister, Aunt's, Uncle's, in-laws, cousins and friends I know I could never find the ability to put my fear aside and see the blessings I have in front of me everyday.



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On a personal note:
There may be times I am going to have cancel a session that I have booked with one of my clients or friends, and I apologize in advance to you if that does happen.  I plan on keeping my commitment of appointments, unless it interferes with one of my Moms appointments or if she needs me.

Saturday
May072011

Celebrating My Mom..

When I turned 16 my Mom purchased me an amazing dress.  It was peach, strapless and the prettiest dress I had ever seen at 16.  There was no huge "Sweet 16" party, I just had a few friends over and I ran around my house in the dress.  My Mom sacrificed food for the week for the dress.  But she wanted me to feel and look like a princess for the day.  And it worked.  That birthday is still one of my top five of my life. 

I can share a million more stories of how my Mom sacrificed so much of her, for me and my sisters.  There is not a card, or a present that can ever put exactly how important my Mom is to me.  She makes me laugh, understands my "Kim'isms", drives me insane, and supports me with decisions in my life regardless if she agrees with them or not. 

Thank you Mom for showing me unconditional love and for teaching me how strong one person can truly be. 
You already know I would be lost without you, but you need to know that I am here for you, always.  You're the wind beneath my wings.

Happy Mother's Day Ma.. I love you!!!



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HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to each of you too!!

 

Monday
Feb142011

Funky Funk, Bleeeeep

It has been a month since I blogged.  One long, long month.  I never intended to take such a long break it just turned out that way. 

There are so many sessions to share, so many images that have made my heart smile that I cannot wait to post here. 

Running your own business is hard.  Seriously, it is harder than I ever imagined.  I wish I knew how Heidi Klum handled her schedule.  I mean she has four kids, a million shows, looks amazing AND is like a size O.  (I also pretend she doesn't have an assistant, a personal chef and a stylist). 

For the month of January I had wanted to get out and shoot landscapes, find time to take a few classes, keep up with my other blog and yet I have done NONE of it.  It doesn't help that there is snow outside my window from December. 

My funk is kinda like clock work this time of year.  New York is amazing from April to November.  But once temperatures go below 50 I am looking hibernate.  I am an outdoor kinda girl until you throw snow on the ground.  Well, the first snow fall is amazing.  I am all, "YEAH.. can't wait to go sleigh riding with the kids."  And now, after 50 something inches this winter I am all "bleep, bleep, bleep .. SUPER FLIPPING BLEEP!!"

One week from today I plan on sharing.  And sharing.  And answering your amazing questions you keep asking. Telling you who and what I recommend because sharing is caring!! :)  But for now I am taking one more week to refresh, reboot and Vitamin D myself out of this funky funk.

This picture below of my boys makes me smile and think of the awesome days that lie ahead of us...

Friday
Jan212011

Shhh.. Baby B - Queens Newborn Photographer

Leslie and Seth welcomed their beautiful baby girl into the world and I was lucky enough to capture her first few days home with Mom and Dad.  When I arrived their little princess was sound asleep.  Leslie went on to tell me how wonderful her new daughter is and how she only fusses when she is hungry or dirty. 

She really was not kidding.  Baby B was the perfect little girl.  She slept the entire session and let me fuss with her the entire session, never once complaining!

Look at how comfy she looks all snuggled up in the basket..

And even more snuggled in Mom's arms..

How about how sweet she is in Dad's arms... (and look at that foot!!)

How happy is she in Mommy's and Daddy's arms? 


I had the best time during the session.  Leslie and Seth were so easy to talk to.. and I am grateful Leslie's brother Howard purchased the gift certificate from me so that I could photograph his little niece!

Thank you again Leslie and Seth, your little girl is beautiful! And Howard, thank you for trusting me with these precious images!

To see more from this session, head over to my Facebook Fan Page.. :)

Wednesday
Jan122011

Castles + Little Girls = Beautiful Family Portraits 

Last month I met H and her Mom and Dad at Sands Point Castle out in Nassau County.  I had never been there before so when I pulled up and saw how beautiful it was I was giddy.  There were so many little places to go for portraits that I could not wait for the session begin!

But man was it was cold. You know that cold that kinda bites you and sometimes tricks you that it is not really that cold until you get back to your car and your fingers and nose are frozen. 

Yet, look at this face..

Little H played and laughed the entire session.
How beautiful are they? 

Daddy love..

And of course Mommy love..


Thank you so much Breck & Rob .. I had the best time photographing you all.. and little H is sure going to be an awesome big sister!!! Can't wait to see you guys in June!

To see more from this session head over to my Facebook Fan Page.. :)

Tuesday
Jan112011

A Smother Mother Confession

My childhood friend once shared a term that is so fitting for me that I should get a vanity licence plate... "Smother Mother." 

I say I want to stop being one, but deep inside I find it hard to let go.  There are nights I lay in bed wondering how the hell my Mom ever raised three girls alone.  How did she find the outlet to bounce the anxiety of watching us grow and make mistakes but still protecting us the best she could. 

When my boys were first born I thought THAT was the scariest times.  You know when they were so tiny and small and I was trying to decipher cries to understand what they were upset about?  And I finally did.  I knew by a certain look what either one of them needed.  But then they grow older; Six to be exact is how old my first born is and I don't know how to decipher his moods sometimes. 

It scares me.  I mean I know he is only six.

But..

His personality unravels almost daily revealing more and more of him and less of the little boy that always needs me to decipher his cries. 

I am not ready.  I know now that him being tiny and brand new was so much easier than him wanting to figure out his environment without my help.

And all of these emotions in my head stemmed from an ice skating session with him a week ago.  The first three times we went skating, we skated together.  He was always looking for my hand when he fell.  I taught him how to balance, to stop, to go the wall for breaks, etc.  I was always there preventing him from falling, and every time he did fall we always went back skating hand in hand.  Then when we went skating the fourth time he tried skating on his own, and he did it, he skated all on his own. 

He didn't look for my hand anymore. 

As silly as that sounds, it made me so aware of how this is only the beginning. It made it real that I am here to help him learn and grow but I need to learn to let go.

But I will always be holding my hand out for him to help him back up should he fall, whether he wants it there or not.
(still one of my favorite photos ever taken of Donnie and I)

Wednesday
Jan052011

Hellllloooo Hunter!!  

Hunter is one of the original Kim Pace Photography clients.  And by clients, I mean I begged my very awesome friend to constantly take photos of him.  He was itty bitty when I first photographed him. (I didn't even have a blog then.. wow!)  Then I photographed him again.  And again.  (you can click those links.. )  Needless to say Mister Hunter has my heart!

Early last October I was able to photograph little Hunter again!!  Hunter is so full of smiles and giggles.  Well except for this photo when Mom said no he can't go swimming in the water.  He pouted and still made the photo adorable.. see....

But the pout did not last too long..

Look at how much he looks like his daddy..

And this may not be a fireplace portrait, but can you take how adorable his smile is while he literally is running on air!!

I love this one..

You can head over to my Facebook Fan page to see more of my favorite images from this session. 

Thanks again Brandy and Eric.. I love that little man to pieces!!

Thursday
Dec302010

A year in review... 

I've never been big on New Year's resolutions.  I believe that dreams can come alive during any month.  Yet, New Year's day always feels like a brand new shoes.  You know those shoes that you are so excited to wear because they are shiny and new with no scuffs or wear to them.  Basically you get one whole year to bang them up, but you know they will stay shiny for a little while. 

My 2010 shoes are extremely banged up.  But, they are shoes I want to bronze and put on a shelf for a reminder of just how challenging and wonderful the year has been to me. 

This year I found out the joy of summer.  It was the first time since I was 20 that I was able to enjoy every moment of summer vacation with my kids.  We went to the beach, the movies, played in the backyard and even out in the rain.  Memories I will treasure and always remember that the last day of kindergarten for my son in 2010 was the day I completely left a career I was doing for nearly 11 years and took the leap of faith to pursue my photography business full-time.  

2010 was the year my son  Donnie learned how to ride a two wheeler and my youngest Aaron completely kicked diapers out of our house for good.

2010 was the year I saw my husband work harder and sacrifice more of himself than I will ever understand. 

2010 also showed me how hard my sister Jenny can work to pursue her dreams for her and my nephews.  It also showed me that my Mom's oncologist doctors, no matter how much faith I put in them; can make HUGE mistakes and say things like "we're sorry, things like that can happen". 

2010 made me love and treasure my dearest friends a million times more.  And it made me appreciate the new friends I have become very close with over this past year.

2010 delivered me the news that the one person in the world that was meant to be a Mom is going to be a Mom.

2010 was really good to me.  Even with the "did that really happen" moments.

And my dreams for 2011 are grand.

I want a cure for Breast Cancer to happen NOW.  My plans to help raise money to help find a cure will be tireless.  If you guys knew my Mom you would know why I try so hard to help find a cure for her.

2011 is the year I am kicking off a new charitable project called WaitTillYouSeeMySmile.com. 

It will be the year I try to get out of my comfort zone and take on projects that challenge me physically and mentally.  I want my 38 years of life to show in 2011.   When I make mistakes they are always HUGE, but I can tell you that with the guidance of my husband, my dearest friends and amazing family that I the older I get the more my mirror reflects the real me. 

I guess it sounds pretentious & ambisious when written down and read over.  I mean in reality I know I may not be able to raise enough money to cure cancer.  But if I learned anything in the last few years is that sometimes all it takes is writing down what you want and believing that you can do anything if you have people that believe in you. 

Happy New Year to each and every one of you that read my blog.  I hope the night is magical!

(a few of my favorite images from 2010)

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I wanted to be repetitive one more time if you let me!! Thank you again to every friend and client in 2010 that chose me to photograph your families. I hope to see some or those beautiful faces in 2011!!