On my 30th birthday I woke up crying. I went to work crying. I didn't want to celebrate at all, which is very out of character for me because I LIVED for my birthday.
Only I had NO idea what my 30's would bring. If I was given Cliff Notes of my life I would have definitely skipped to the summary of where my 30's started. My 30's is where I created a new me. I had finally found the RIGHT path. My 30's is where I fell in love, I was given the two biggest blessing I will ever receive which are my kids and I have been able to mend almost every bridge I had ever burned in my 20's. I even realized my Mom WAS right about so many mistakes I made.. LOL
My 30's was also where I found out that I had I was good at something, really good at something. It was in my 30's I realized I am a photographer. It is not a hobby. It is not me tinkering with a camera. Seeing the world through my lens has opened up world in ways I never dreamed. There are days I still pinch myself to know that I get to do what I love as my job.
Looking back on the last decade I can honestly say that my personal growth within myself is what amazes me the most. I am thankful for my husband, my friends, my sister and my Mom for helping me "see" who I was and to stop my self-destruction. There is something to be said about friends and family that can be completely honest to your face. Calling me out on my own bullshit, coupled with love is truly what helped me take on my self-esteem ghosts.
When I am left with my own thoughts at night I often wonder how the hell I ended up with such a blessed life. How did everything really fall together? (I can bet my oldest and dearest friends Jennifer and Apple are thinking the same thing.. LOL) I really don't know how it did, but trust me when I say I thank and praise my blessing every single day. A friend of mine taught me once to thank God for the good things in your life. The every day things and not just when you need him.. It works. It really does work. I am not an overly religious person. I have my faith and I believe in God 100%, but I cannot recite scripture or say that I go to church every Sunday. But.... I can look at my boys, my husband, my Mom, the people who are in my life, and the miracles I have received to know that he is real.
There are no big plans for my 40th birthday. I asked my husband not to throw me a party (but he documented the birthday with an over-the-top present that I adore.. so thank you DJPxox) and I told friends that I wanted to be really low key and not do anything. Turning 40 is a big deal to me, just not in the sense of me banging pots and pans and saying HOLY CRAP I'm 40. It is seriously a brand new chapter that I hope to look back on and just smile. All I want to do is become a better version of me and to tackle my every growing bucket list!! I will admit that saying I am 40 stings a bit and that I truly wish I could really photoshop my wrinkles, yet I am the happiest with me than I have ever been in my life. Le Sigh.
When I wake up on August 6th I will officially be 40. Forty. (go ahead and laugh Jen-nay). Not gonna lie, it will be weird to say it and I guess I can officially start filling out my AARP forms. All I know is even though the number kinda hurts I know I will not wake up crying tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be able to spend the day with my husband, our boys and high fiving my Mom on her 40th anniversary of giving birth to her first born!!
When I blow out my candles tomorrow my wish is simple.. I wish for doctors to be wrong and that my rainbow and unicorns to prevail forever. xoxoxo