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Pushing the fear aside..  

Way back in January I had HUGE plans for 2011.  Plans that would involve delivering kick ass images, being super organized, starting a charity site, and finally getting published in a magazine.  NONE of those things happened. 

Say hello to May.  Where have the five months gone?  FIVE whole months that have passed by that brought so much confusion, disappointment and challenges I never imagined back in January. 

Every time I went to share something on my blog I would become frustrated with my failures and challenges that I would just shut down the computer. 

So what happened to me?  Well, in a nut shell, life.  I can go on and on about how I over committed myself by taking on a part time job and running my photography business, over committing my kids, under committing myself to my husband and allowed one unhappy client to shake my core and confidence in my work. 

But the real catalyst happened five weeks ago when my world was thrown off its orbit.  For all of you whom have followed my blog since way, way back when know that my Mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer two years ago.  I have known for two years that the cancer was lurking, waiting to attack her.  Well five weeks ago we found out it had metastasized to her bones. 

What I had not prepared myself for is the doctors plan of "never-ending" three weeks on chemo and one week off to deliver my Mom a miracle was going to snowball so fast.  Chemo is not pretty.  It is robbing my Mom of everything. period. 

Life is full of irony and never ending lessons.  When I was kid I thought my Mom knew it all, when I was a teenager I thought she knew nothing, in my 20's I was too busy locking horns with her to have a conversation with her and now in my 30's I can't imagine a day without her. 

Yet, breast cancer is a soulless evil that doesn't care that I call my Mom twice a day just to annoy her with my mind numbing conversations.  Or that she has three daughters, and seven grandkids that need her here with them because she is our world.

So here I am; in May.  My resolution is simple.  Be there for my Mom. 

I believe in miracles. 

I believe that hope is real when fueled with faith.
I believe my Mom may the toughest contender cancer has ever taken on.  She will not give up without a fight.  And I will be her trainer, I will pass her a towel, give her water and make her laugh when her eyes get watery from the pain. 

Luckily I have such an amazing support system.  Without my husband, sister, Aunt's, Uncle's, in-laws, cousins and friends I know I could never find the ability to put my fear aside and see the blessings I have in front of me everyday.


On a personal note:
There may be times I am going to have cancel a session that I have booked with one of my clients or friends, and I apologize in advance to you if that does happen.  I plan on keeping my commitment of appointments, unless it interferes with one of my Moms appointments or if she needs me.

Reader Comments (5)

I think of you and your mom often. Saying a little prayer for her and your family.

Wed, May 18 | Unregistered CommenterTara R.

I know how hard it is for me to juggle everything, I cannot imagine how you'r doing it.
So glad you're there for your mom... that means more than everything else

Wed, May 18 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette Verster

Thinking of you and your family at this time.

Wed, May 18 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

When you meet someone, you never really get to know what's going on under the surface. When I met you a couple of weeks ago, I saw this patient, smiling & happy photographer who joyfully chased our two year old monsters around the yard and made an extra effort to make our mothers' day extra special by sending us a beautiful picture of our kids in time for mother's day. Who knew that you had so much going on in your life and with your own mom. I will be thinking of you, your family and especially your mom as she continues this fight. And yes, that nasty cancer is absolutely beatable, so strap on your boxing gloves and hold onto hope.

Incidentally, Jenny's mom (not sure if you got to meet her during the photo shoot - she lives with them in the house) is a survivor of the worst cancer... Pancreatic Cancer. Her prognosis was 1%... the doctors actually told Jenny that there was a 1% chance. But she stared cancer in the eye, underwent two surgeries and daily chemo, and she is cancer free for more than 2 years now.

I also believe in miracles and I will be praying now for your mom's hard fought miracle to come true!

Sending hugs,

Thu, May 19 | Unregistered CommenterChristena

Great shots!

Mon, June 6 | Unregistered CommenterHarry Hilders

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